On Tranquility

April 13, 2014
The past ten days were horrendously stressful. Too much was happening at the same time, and my anxiety got to a point beyond what I could handle. I started feeling the familiar, uncomfortable tightness in my throat that made my breathing difficult; my skin broke out completely, and I could not find sleep. Add to this the fact that in the same week, I was twice in situations that unexpectedly triggered my claustrophobia, including the gala I was so excited about (it was otherwise a very beautiful night), a new romantic situation (more on that as it develops), and the guilt I felt for not working at all on finishing my novel (which a psychic I consulted not long ago said would be published before the end of 2014).

Needless to say, I started smoking again.

I was able to distract myself from those tumultuous times, mostly thanks to two very good friends: Kitty, who is pure, undistilled awesomeness, and a former history teacher who has now become an excellent friend as well, and who, in spite of being sick, came out to see me because she knew I was having a rough few days. And of course, there's always my father, who fills me with safety no matter how much I'm panicking.

Yesterday was the turning point, the moment where I felt worse, before beginning to feel better, to realize that the news I had received that day were not that bad, actually, and that I was safe. After spending the night enjoying pizza soaked up in red wine and watching Gossip Girl, I fell asleep, and woke up this morning peaceful and relaxed, for the first time in a very long time.


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