Starting this week on the right foot

Scarlett, my former neighbours' cat, who spent many hours curled on my lap and purring loudly. She is no longer in this world, but has taught me that sometimes, you need to be like a cat in your attitude towards life and... Okay, enough bullshit, I just put a picture of her because I LOVE KITTIES!

Two days ago, I did not feel up to writing my usual "This Week" post, mainly because the week had been extremely depressing. Along with a cold and other health issues, the relationship problems I've been dealing with since the summer took a new height, which led me to spend a lot of time curled in bed with tissues, red wine, and Nutella. Even after the other person involved expressed their intention to make things easier, which is quite a change from the usual loneliness in conflict-solving and generally that I felt in this relationship, the initial disbelief and the bad memories of our break-up that were stirred up initially blurred my ability to feel at all optimistic. But then I realized that it wouldn't be normal if things felt better overnight; out of all the expectations that have been formulated, that would be the most unrealistic. That doesn't mean that the process is null, and that I have no faith whatsoever in this person that, in the end, I still love (which is the root of the issue). And maybe my reaction (feeling more sorrow than relief at first) is more about unconscious caution.

In any case, as it was put  yesterday night, upon me expressing my fear that this isn't real, "a little trust won't hurt." 
And I can only hope so; God only knows how difficult it is to be in conflict with someone who means so much, and how much I want things to work out again.

In the meanwhile, I have decided to start this week on the right foot. While I haven't been really well for about six weeks, I allowed myself the week-end to feel utterly terrible, but now is the time to move on, and to adopt a more peaceful, if not positive, attitude towards things, and to observe healthier habits that can make a big difference. I woke up early and read in bed instead of sleeping in. Yes, I accidentally broke a glass in the kitchen and a flying shard cut my leg, but instead of freaking out, I saw it as a sign that bigger catastrophes have now been averted, and calmly cleaned and covered my (superficial) wound and took out flip-flops to wear in the kitchen until I clean up the mess. I had a healthy brunch with no distractions instead of junk food in front of the TV. I then learned news about a job I applied to that weren't too positive, but I'm ever grateful for the friend that took the time to call and tell me about it, and reassure me that it had nothing to do with my intellectual capacities, but with the fact that the person who got the position is much older, qualified and experienced. I'm grateful I am no longer waiting for an answer, I truly wish this lady the best of luck, and I will take this as a sign that I wasn't meant for this workplace and the expectations of this job, and  while I am looking for another stable position, this is even more of a certitude that my true calling is writing, and that publishing my novel will bring me professional fulfillment and prosperity. 
Because, to put it in a far less eloquent manner, "bitch always gets what she wants."

 I am now enjoying some tea, blogging, and chatting with my dad (who always has this fool-proof way to cheer me up big time!) before cleaning up the aforementioned broken glass in the kitchen, and then heading out to an appointment with my therapist (not the slightest shame here), and then the library and perhaps go for a walk in Georgetown instead of staying cooped inside my apartment.


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