The Journey of Sonushka

August 24, 2013
Yup, this has become my signature headshot, you'll see it everywhere, I know...
On August 20th, 2011, I published my very firstarticle on this blog. Two years later, I cannot help but realize how much not only my blogging ways have evolved, but I have as a person as well. When I look back at my first articles and read them chronologically, I cannot help but cringe at the pictures not being all the same width and at the sometimes excessive tweaking with the lighting and contrast balance. But what I find most fascinating is to read the accompanying texts; it brings me so much perspective.

I remember those days, when I was dealing with never-ending bouts of depression after a first year of college at NYU-Paris that took many tragic turns, and when I was inspired to start blogging by Cupcakes and Cashmere and Keiko Lynn. I realized that there was a way to document one’s life in a way that made it look not perfect, but much less gloomy than it was in reality, and in a way, beginning to do so, and reading my own blog (and to a certain extent my Facebook profile) made me feel a little more optimistic and a little more conscious of the happy things in my life, which was better than remaining focused on the negatives.
I remember how, in spite of living in a conflict-ridden household, with a very toxic relative, I still tried to post the happiest snippets of my daily life, and this became the regular “This Week” series, which is a diary-like gratitude exercise. Gratitude is always the best thing, and yet we forget it so easily.

I remember how I was trying to heal from heartbreak, and at some points felt like I was lying to myself when I pretended to feel all right, but how this pretending nevertheless saved me, because I had an image to uphold, for me and for readers. I can say that I healed from that heartbreak, but now realized that as long as you love someone, there’s no way to protect yourself from pain, but that it’s also worth it. I’ve realized I have a more mature way to face the future, even though it isn’t 100% positive. I’ve learned that hope is one of the most powerful forces in the world. “LAAAA SPERAAANZAAAA!!!”,  as the tenor roars in Turandot.

I remember one of the main things that almost dissuaded me from starting this blog (which was meant to be a personal style blog, and kind of still is, except I need a new tripod before resuming this): my severe cystic acne, which made my life hell in Paris. When I first told relatives what I was planning to do, they laughed at the idea that I would photograph myself regularly and put myself online. Now, when I look at those first outfit posts, I see my amateur, sometimes “interesting” photo editing to blur out my acne, and I still feel a surge of pride and courage at the idea that I did it, I put myself out there even though I’d get called “ugly” by random people. And most importantly, I feel relief and gratitude at the thought that, while my skin isn’t 100% blemish free, it’s nowhere as bad as in 2011, and all I need today is a little powder (and sometimes foundation) to even out my complexion. Two years ago, I was “ugly”, today, I’m a semi-professional model.

Of course, there were times where I’d read myself, and hate what I wrote; I’d have my inner GOMI voice criticize every single word I say and tell me that blogging had no future. There have been moments where I did not post anything for a while, and the lack of engagement with my readers would mean that I’d log in to see “0 comments” on my newest article, which isn’t exactly encouraging. But I overcame these moments; I had several blogs before this one that I abandoned after a few months. Blame it on my Pisces nature, being a procrastinator, and spreading myself too thin, but the truth remains that I’ve been writing this blog for two years, and hopefully I’ll still be writing it for a long time. In fact, it’s the same with my novel, which I’ve started a few months before this blog. I have a whole crypt of unfinished drafts from 2004 and on, that are rather fun (in a horrendous way) to read, but THE novel is something I haven’t abandoned, and I’m glad to discover there’s actually some consistency in me. While the novel is fictional, this blog is much more public, and documents my life, my passions, and whatever I know or I am good at that I feel up to sharing with my readers.
And this is the most fulfilling part, in the end. To come up with a beautiful outfit, create a nice collage, put up a delicious recipe, share useful tips, and get good feedback from you all. I cherish every single comment and piece of feedback and always will, and even those who do not leave comment have my gratitude, and I am happy if they enjoy the content I create and share.

So I raise my glass (mug, rather, of Sleepytime Extra herbal tea, though earlier in the evening it would have been Lebanese Ksara wine from the Bekaa valley) to my readers and to this wonderful thing that is blogging, and I hope to keep doing this every August for a very long time! 

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If you enjoyed this post, please follow my blog on Facebook (facebook.com/sonushka) and Twitter (@miss_sonushka)!

2 comments:

s said...

wow awesome!@@@ xO!
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Living Life: Healthy, Peacefully, Lovingly, Glamorously, Beautifully, Passionately said...

I typically do not comment unless I am very moved to do so. I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed your post.

This is the first time I have visited your blog. I "liked" your FB page some time ago but was not receiving updates. Today I received a notice of update on your FB page, which led me to your blog.

You are such an inspiration, so lovely in heart and spirit, and beautiful in every way to behold. I so admire your faith. You have wonderful qualities and character. Love your wholesome connection to the essential oils and wonderful recipes with fresh herbs.

I will try to be a regular reader! I love beauty and fashion, and I worked prior to becoming disabled, in cosmetic surgery, having worked my way "up" from reception to patient education regarding all cosmetic (surgical versus injectable fillers, Botox and such) options to enhance the face, to full body plastic surgery enhancement, and eventually hospital cosmetic surgery practice Administrator.

I love "all things beauty", especially when the beauty is far more than simply skin deep. Your beauty shines from your heart and spirit.

It has been an honor, and so very enjoyable, to read your posts.

Bravo to you, sweet soul, for all of your accomplishments; your strength and determination and the courage to go after your dreams. You were a success before you even started. You knew you had wings, and you learned how to fly.

I will hold you close in my meditations and prayers, wishing you well and continued success always.

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