Lost

April 11, 2013


Three years ago, I had just freshly graduated from high school, and everything was supposed to go according to a perfect plan. I'd graduate early from NYU and go straight to one of the best law schools in the country. And so on, the picture-perfect American dream.
Then, the perfect plan went up in flames. Lots of things did, including my health, mental and physical. Sh*t happened, as they say, and a lot of it.
Three years later, I try not to think about where I am "supposed" to be right now. I try, step by step, to pull myself back together. And yet, there's nearly nothing stable about my life. The smallest truth I rely on, I hang to with desperation, turns out to be a lie. Family members I thought I could trust entirely, future plans... Every single time, I end up lonely and disappointed. And as a natural reaction, I'm afraid to trust, to rely on things that seem solid but I still expect to shatter.
I think I'm more lost than I have ever been; even the one thing in my life that I thought was stable and certain and ever-lasting, I'm beginning to seriously doubt it. 
And it's f*cking scary as hell.


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3 comments:

s said...

a lot of us have been there, and it is totally normal to feel that way. You are going to be amazing at whatever path you take- always stay positive!!!! *hug!*

xO!
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Beauty Follower said...

You are soooo young, many beautiful things
and new interesting people are out there waiting for you to discover.
Dont ever give up ;)

kiss
from
Greece

Kacie Ellis said...

I am a planner too and get upset when things don't go how I had planned. But there's such much of life left and all you can do is trust that everything will work out. Stay positive :)

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