Reflecting...

December 24, 2012


It is common practice when one year comes to an end to reflect on what has happened, on what you've accomplished and what is yet to be done. I am very ambivalent when it comes to deciding whether 2012 was a good or a bad year. What I will say is that my capacity to be annoyingly optimistic has been severely hindered during the past few weeks, Sounding ungrateful jinxes me even further, as I've realized in the past. What people do is two lists; one, of positive things that happened this year, and the other, of negative things. I made them, but just erased them a moment ago, because they seemed senseless, obsolete.

What I am trying to say is that I feel drained emotionally. People think I am taking an extended vacation from university, but on most days, even getting out of bed is a struggle. And this is so frustrating because I am twenty, for crying out loud! I am twenty, I should be full of energy, and instead...

When you are faced with problems, you deal with them. This is what I am doing. A few years ago, I felt so blessed with everything. And then, my luck took a bend. But I have decided 2013 (and I attach a particular importance to this number) is when I will get it back, and in abundance. I have decided to extend my leave of absence from NYU till fall 2013, and leave Washington, DC to a city which I hold very dearly in my heart. Because I am superstitious and fear the Bad Eye (in short, someone who feels so jealous of your happiness that their greed curses you, and it's what happened in 2010), I will make this city completely public until I am set there. But I look forward to this move to be my chance to focus on recovering and finding my path to success again.

I think what helped me go through this difficult year is my own interpretation of Roman Catholic and Orthodox faith, which is extremely liberal (God loves us all, gay or straight!) and contains superstitions and pagan-inspired rituals here and there (candles, lots of candles, as my dear aunt has noticed). I do not want to lecture my readers about religion, but how to explain this belief that there is someone, a supremely powerful being, watching over you, putting challenges on your path that only strengthen you as a person, and who also, most importantly, answers your prayers, maybe in an odd, challenging way, but still.

I cannot begin to express my gratitude to so many people: my wonderful aunt, who stands by me as if I were her own daughter; my very dear friends Hanaa, Sarah. and Carmen, who supported me flawlessly though the hardest times; my "girls", Jessica, Farida, Magassy, and Sara, who have this amazing skill of bringing comic relief to the hardest situations and make me laugh and cheer me up when it is well needed.

And last but not least, my wonderful partner, my beautiful S., my angel, my rock, my home, my sanctuary; you whom I love more than anything. I have faith that 2013 will unite us, and we shall be finally together, never to part again.


I do not expect to post significant before I fully transition into my new city, where I intend to provide much more exciting content to you all (let's face it, DC isn't exactly an ideal place for blogging, sorry, CapFabb folks). In the meanwhile, do stay tuned for Five Things About Your Style posts that I have already scheduled, and perhaps, I might actually have a spur of creativity and write something.


In the meanwhile, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all of you.


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