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July 11, 2012


A while ago, Father's Day was celebrated. For years, I have felt terribly uneasy on this holiday or whenever anyone asked me about my own father, because him and I had been estranged for years. During these years, a part of me wished I could have him back in my life. As my search for substitute fathers went disastrously wrong, I realized there was only one man who could fill this role, and that was the one who was there in the first place. 
A little over a year ago, my father and I reconciled. We have not yet seen each other, since he lives thousands of miles away, but we are more than definitely back in each other's lives. I am hoping he will be at my graduation from NYU, to walk me down the altar on my wedding day, to accompany me through those other precious moments in life and make up for all those he has missed. 

It's a funny thing, reconciliation. In February 2011, a few months before I wrote to my father after finding his profile on Facebook, I had a fight with someone I care about more than anyone could possibly imagine. Losing this person's friendship and trust was devastating, and for months, I wished so much for her to forgive me, for us to be reconciled. Eventually, we did. Still, I aged, as if I had gained decades in only months. I took life and the meaning of things more seriously, and decided to become a better person; to do everything I can to prevent people from being hurt; to avoid accidentally hurting anyone; to think before I speak or act and weigh my actions. 

Years before, this very woman had once asked me where my father was. I had told her we were estranged, and that I thought it was going to be forever. Her words to me were that one day, with distance, I'll be able to get past my then-current feelings and welcome him back in my life. Dear, dear lady, how right she was. In May 2011, a few weeks before I left Paris, I wrote to my father asking for us to be reconciled. I finally found the strength in me to reach out for him and I was quite glad I did. 



It's a funny thing, reconciliation. You think you've ruled out people from your life. But then, as this dear lady said, once you get some distance and can think over the situation with a clearer head and less anger, you realize that the good things counterbalance what got you in a fight in the first place. 


But then, there are instances when no matter how much you try to fix relationships, people are toxic and nothing you can do can change that. In this case... run for your life. 
And start sending tons of doughnuts to the police department; someday you might need a restraining order, so you'll want to be very friendly with those guys. 



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5 comments:

TJF. said...

I Love You my Darling Daughter..
Hoping we Never Ever part again..
I'll always be there for you..
Your not so old "Dad" :)))
Always be Happy and Safe..
Kisses from miles away..
Je t'aime ma Sophie..

Corner Curl Girl said...

It is always a benefit to ourselves to reach out to others. God bless you, dear...

CCG
ccurlgirl.blogspot.com

Francesca Romana Capizzi said...

I hope that you will never part again. Reconciliation is a great thing!

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Jacqueline davis moranti said...

Wow, so beautiful! Congratulations and may everything work out wonderfully in the end!

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Francesca. said...

This is so lovely, and I'm so happy for you that you've managed to reconcile with your father. I am still estranged from mine, so I understand where you're coming from, and it's lovely you were able to make up :) xx

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